as of typing this. i've been around for about 23, nearly 24 years. and i've seen some shit. the brain and body are totally different from person to person. and are never the same either, some might be similar. but most of us are indeed different from one and other 

with that being said. i have discovered in my time some illnesses i myself have concerning my own brain. there is pros and many cons i know about myself. and cause of that. i've shut myself off from society. anyway. get this

i apparently seem to have/

-OCD (i have spurts of lack of self care. or the total opposite depending on situation and how others treat me, it seems like i'm never good enough for anyone)

-Anger Issues (i have been known to go off my rocker due to other's apathy and what seems like contempt for me as a person. as said above. i do it mainly verbally. although i have indeed punched and kicked a few times. i regret that above all else)

-Possible Paranoid Schizophrenia / Telpathy??? (as of late. i keep hearing a voice telling me of impending doom in my own head, that i am going to die soon. i do not trust anyone either or especially that voice. what i know is that this all began when i tried to commune with a women i feel in love with after being separated from her for 15 years then finding her again on the internet)

am i just lonely? going insane or was i always like this???

i will focus this into something positive. and am writing this right now incase anyone else becomes like me. i would not wish this upon my worst enemies. unless it's actually a people doing this to me. and it does indeed seem like it is. i'm not stupid and can read between lines

and how do i know all this about myself? it's cause i am and always have been what i can only call "self aware". built different? i see the world differently from everyone else and always have. it's like i am disconnected from the hive mind or something. part of me wants to go back to society. but a gigantic part won't because i know deep down that loads of people (not everyone) are full of shit, and are out to fuck eachother over, have no sympathy for anyone and will quite happily ruin others. it makes me sick

my mum knew it aswell and told me once. but she bottled it up. life is about evolution. so with me as a being. i'm getting this out there on the chance, it'll help at least someone

i've also been alone for quite a few years. so it could be that

the key to fixing all this. if you yourself find yourself where i am. is to focus the pain into something constructive. do something like  watching a movie. playing a video game. working out or training. 

that will make you focus on something else and should eliminate most symptoms.  i have listed/described

also. i'm sorry if i come off as insane. but i really do feel like this